It was hot out. I was on a walk when a recent conversation with a patient about a relationship popped back into my head. Thought it might be worth sharing.

This guy was venting about his wife. She’s not quite a “Karen,” but… she’s close. Doesn’t believe in anything holistic. Thinks anything outside of pharmaceuticals is a scam.

He wanted her to come in and get some work done, but, no surprise, she refused.

I joked with him (like I often do), saying we usually get more results when wives send their husbands in. But in his case, it was flipped. He wanted to help her. She wasn’t open.

So I offered a different approach…

What if we work on YOU… to help HER?

He looked confused.

So I explained.

We do this kind of thing all the time. Remote testing. Emotion work. Sometimes, the biggest change we can make for someone… starts with the person closest to them.

But first, we need permission, ethically and energetically. Even if we’re doing work through someone else’s intention, consent matters.

He asked how it works. And I said, that’s a whole other video.

But the bigger question?

“How would working on me actually change her?”

Let’s break it down.

Tuning Forks & Vibration 101

Everything vibrates. It’s basic physics.

Ever seen two tuning forks? Hit one, and the other starts to hum. Not because it’s being touched, but because it shares the same frequency. The second fork is already vibrating… the sound just gets louder.

Same goes for people.

Walk into a tense room, and you feel it. No one has to say a word. It’s in the energy. The vibration.

So if your energy shifts, the people around you will feel it. Especially your spouse.

Why They React the Way They Do

Instead of asking, “Why is she always irritable?”
We ask, “What is it in YOU that triggers this response?”

Not blame. Just self-awareness.

Because whether you realize it or not… you push buttons. We all do. But sometimes, it’s not what you’re saying, it’s the energy behind it. The baggage. The stored emotion. The vibration.

Change that?

You change the dynamic.

The Science Is There Too

There’s a famous experiment where scientists shot electrons through a double slit. They expected two clean patterns on the other side.

What they got? Total chaos.

Turns out, just having someone observe the experiment changed the result.

Your perception literally alters matter.

Electrons behave differently depending on who’s watching.

So yeah, how you perceive something… shapes your reality. Which means if you can shift that perception, you shift your world.

The Relationship Work Starts With You

You can’t always get your spouse to change.

But you can change yourself, and that often changes them.

Want less arguing? Be more patient.
Want more affection? Be more appreciative.
Want to feel seen? Start seeing them.

Not because you’re trying to manipulate outcomes. But because you’re taking responsibility for what you bring to the table.

So What Can You Do in Your Relationship?

• Write an appreciation list. Focus on what you do love about your partner.
• Revise the past. Think of an argument that went south. Then reimagine how it could have gone. Write it down.
• Change your interpretation. Missed a green light? Maybe you avoided an accident. Spouse snapped at you? Maybe you were putting off a vibe you didn’t realize.
• Act with good intent. Clean the kitchen, not to avoid nagging, but to serve. Ask God to bless the gesture. Watch what happens.

Here’s What I’ve Seen Firsthand in Relationship

Marriages change when people stop pointing fingers and start looking inward.

Same with work. Friendships. Everything.

It’s not about blame. It’s about energy.
And when your energy shifts… people notice.

So the next time you’re frustrated by your relationship, ask:

“What is it in me that’s feeding this dynamic?”

Start there.

Because working on you?

It works.